Let's Face It - I Don't Fit In Anywhere

I have come to terms with not getting a single speed bike for city riding and commuting... BUT I WANT ONE! Yeah, this whole adventure isn't about bike commuting to work. Hey, it could be worse. A mid-life crisis usually involves expensive cars, buying clothes from "Len," (because that is the place where middle-aged men buy 20-something clothes) and thinking about young women. Notice how I said "thinking about." My wife copy-edits all these posts. I don't have any of that. I have a unique problem with my mid-life.  I want to recapture
my youth from the seat of a bike.  This is difficult because I have to fit into one of four types.  See I'm not a spandex guy. I don't have gear for my bikes. I take pride in not looking like everyone else on their bikes. I always wanted to be an outlaw cyclist. Oh yeah, tattoos and all. Ride the bad-boy bike. Back in the day we called them track bikes. Today they are called fixies. Two problems with that life. No money. And ugly women. My "thing" is a lot like those middle-aged lawyers who ride harleys. They always wanted to be outlaw bikers but were scared off by the women. So I'm not getting my single speed. I guess I will have to have a normal mid-life crisis.  And I have to ride with my crowd.  Life sucks!

Let's take a look at the types of cyclist.  

This is Homovelocommutus: This is the McGyver of the cycling world.  Every aid and gadget bolted neatly on his bike.  The most noble of all the Homovelo-genus.  He walks it as he talks it.  Fears no weather pattern.

This is Homovelomessengerus: Whether he delivers correspondence for a living or not, he's ready if called.  This is my favorite of the homovelo-genus.  His dedication to his way of life has spawned an industry for clothing and retail bikes. 

This is Homoveloweekendus: The weekend warrior who once a week dons spandex, helmet, cycle shoes, and gloves and goes out to conquer the road.  He can be picked out by his attention to detail: lycra team jersey stuffed with sport beans and Power Bars. 

This is Homovelofitus:  This is the guy who rides for fitness.  He enters road races on Saturday mornings for something to do.  This species is generally single with no children.  Spends 3 to 4 days a week at the gym.  And is as fit in January as he is in August. 

By now you've already decided where I fit in the cycling species.  I'm going to bend the rules a bit, only because of ego, and provide a self description.

1. I don't wear spandex! I wear baggy shorts, a T-shirt and don't wear padded gloves.  
2. I have track peddles and wear any shoe instead of clip-ins
3. I don't wear a helmet when Cynthia is not around
4. All rides are training rides 
5. I struggle to get out more than once a week

It's true.  I want to be and act like both Homovelomessengerus and Homovelofitus.  But I fit squarely into Homveloweekendus.