I Have Become One of Those People

It's been a good bike year.  I bought a commuter bike.  I rode the MS 150.  I got a locker at work with access to showers for those hot days.  I've ridden to work so often that I now prefer it over driving to work.  Like I said, it's been a good bike year.  One thing that has changed for me is that whenever I have some place to go, I try to determine if I can ride my bike there.
 My first thought is can I ride my bike there? What route do I take and when would I have to leave to get there on time?  My next thought is contentment.  I really enjoy riding my bike.  I ride to the store.  I ride to work.  I ride to get lunch.  I ride to my friend Bill's house.  It has changed in how I think; changed to the point of, if I ride somewhere once, there is no reason to now drive there.  It's funny because I'm not trying to save gas or the planet -- I just have the idea that the bike is a better way to get around town than driving.  WHAT!?  Holy shit, I've joined a subculture!  Yep, all that's left is to pick my new group of like minded citizen cyclists and blend in.

So who are these people that are my new compatriots?  There's a big list of sub-hipsters, kind of like in Ferris Bueller's Day Off, when Principal Rooney's secretary describes all the groups that Ferris is friends with.  "Oh, he's very popular, Ed. The sportos, the motorheads, geeks, sluts, bloods, wastoids, dweebs - they all adore him. They think he's a righteous dude."

To the untrained eye all bicycle hipsters look a like.  But when you drill down, there several sub-groups that exist in this subculture.

Scene from Portlandia 

For example there is the eco-cyclist.  This sub-group is made up of the loud, obnoxious braggers on bikes.  They scream non-conformist as they conform to a tightly knit group with their very own fashion sense.  Non-conforming in this group includes Chrome messenger bag, capri pants (homemade of course by cutting 6 inches off of the bottom of their skinny jeans), facial hair and hooped ear lobes.  This sub-group consists of Jimmy Johns delivery folks, co-op employees and independent coffee shop baristas.  These folks, like all others in the sub-culture, use their bikes as their mode of transportation.  It is primarily their only mode of transportation, which can account for the immense chips on their shoulders.  They demand respect by the conformist, car-driving, corporate robots, but break every traffic rule in the book, as it doesn't apply to them: they are above bourgeois laws.  I don't believe I could fit in with this sub-group.  I bathe regularly, I have a corporate job, I have disposable income and a car.  I like this group -- they are edgy and rude.  I seem to get along with rude people more than most others.




This brings us to the fashion cyclist hipsters.  This sub-group is made up of mostly millenials who are looking for a cause-celeb for self-affirmation.  The bike is their admission to the ranks of the greens. You will never see one of these folks out on their bike on a rainy or cold day.  They don't ride for transportation, they ride to be seen.  Usually you see these folks on the coasts in trendy districts in large cities.  Along with these folks comes the merchandise that brings opportunity into the cycling market.  clothing and bike accessories are their calling card.  This sub-group is not to be mistaken with homovelocommutus (as described in a previous post), whose focus is function and lives for cycling gadgets to prepare him for any situation, as opposed to for looks.  Fashion cycling hipsters can be spotted by their expensive Brooks saddles and Rapha gear.

Attractive young Minneapolis hipsters

Now let's take a look at my favorite sub-group.  These cats are the coolest of the genre.  The bike is the source of their happiness.  They derive pleasure from riding just for the sake of riding.  The bike has become the tool that brings happiness.  Their look is functional more than fashion.  For example, the male hipster of this sub-group will grow a big 'ol beard.  In the winter, this beard becomes protection from the elements.  In the summer, it is used to collect bugs for food on long commutes.  OK, I don't know if that last part is true, but I'm struggling on how a fat beard could be comfortable in summer.  Fashion is also a reflection of function.  Stovepipe jeans are as useful as they are fashionable: one does not have the need to change clothes just to go to the store, or their friend's house. A quick role of the right pant leg and they're in business.  The bike is a reflection of their attention to detail.  It is an expense much like a car.  The bike is not a collection of old beater parts, but a manufactured brand, designed for the lifestyle where 80% use is not uncommon. There are fenders and lights and waterproof saddle bags, all useful tools to allow for commuting in any manner of conditions.  This sub-group has the largest tent of members.  Urban professionals both young and middle-aged, from business managers and bank tellers to environmentalists. The price of admission is not the shittiest bike, or the biggest chip -- it's the desire to ride your bike.  Much like Homovelocommutus, this sub-group evolved from any number of genus: The college grad who's only means of transportion was the bike and doesn't want to lose that freedom.  The downtown worker who didn't want to pay the price for parking and is now satisfied with just riding to work.  Like the abstract and fleeting feeling of the concept of home, this is the high that courses through their veins and works it's way to the part of the brain that will exchange all the fear, resentment and mistrust for home.